How important is sex in a relationship? Seems like a fairly simple and possibly stupid question, yet the answer goes much deeper than most people think. On the surface, sex in a relationship is the difference between having a best friend and having a lover, between casual encounter and waking up next to your best friend every day. Sex in a relationship is what builds trust, breaks down the barriers of being self-conscience and builds intimacy in your life. Now I am not saying that you must have sex with your partner to achieve trust and intimacy, however, in long-term relationships sex and the amount of it can be a deciding factor in staying together and going your separate ways. In this article I will break down the five major causes for relationships falling apart and give my advice on how to avoid this fate for you.
Marriages and or domestic unions usually fail for one of five reasons: money, rushing into it, infidelity, sex and simply growing apart. As we examine all five of these areas, I will provide my inside on how keeping up with number four (sex) can nearly tackle the other four problems on the list. As a disclaimer, I am 30 years old and have been married slightly more than four years. We were married in a courthouse after one year of dating and living together for 7 months. We are not religious and did not get married because she was pregnant (we only have a dog-son). So already I can tell you that number two on the list (rushing into it) can be a problem, but if our relationship can overcome it, then so can yours. We are currently doing just fine, enjoying our life in Portage, Michigan.
First up on our list is money, and that “god” that we worship known as money can crush you and your partner faster than you think. As a person never coming from much money, it is easy to want it, love it and spend it like you’ll die tomorrow once you have it. What can be even worse than spending it all like it will never run out is having your partner blow through your money. There is no doubt why it tops our list because money dictates just about everybody’s lives. Depending on how the two of you view your money plays a big factor into how it affects your marriage or union. If money is viewed as something that you need to survive only, then you should be all set. If money is something that you worship, then your union can be nothing more than a house of cards. So long as the fund are flowing, everyone is happy. However, whenever that river of money ends, if it does, it is sure to bring serious ripples in your relationship. It can start with the blame game, distorts your social status, and simply will make you give up some of the perks that money brings. After years of enjoying such perks, it is not easy to simply give them up. This is the point where the house of cards needs little more than a gentle breeze to start tipping over. This problem of money can be minimized, however, by maintaining a healthy sex life. If they two of you are in love, appreciate your time together and are open, then the river of money stopping can be far less of a burden on your relationship. It can be tough to see friends and family acquire money and spend it as they please. Especially if you once had money and lived the same life. Then suddenly you lose it and there will be one thing that can make it easier is always telling yourself that you will maintain a solid and healthy sex life. Regardless of how much money you have or make, maintain that same level of intimacy and money problems can be far less daunting. It doesn’t take money to have sex, and fun sex at that, and having a partner that enjoys the same-sex life as you can be much more rewarding. It is amazing how fast you can forget about money when you just had an amazing orgasm, and you can’t pay for that, not normally at least.
Next up on the list is rushing into marriage or domestic partnerships. As mentioned, that is exactly how my marriage started out, and it came with the struggles that you all might imagine. There is the sharing of money and accounts, dealing with family and family problems you perhaps didn’t know about, just to name a couple. Let’s not forget the insecurities that were not talked about, the kind that take years of trust to finally get out of people, if they even want to talk about them. The list can go on, however, I have only a couple of bits of advice. One is keep the newly wed sex going because that can cure many of fights that the few listed problems may bring. Along with that is always keep open communication, no matter how difficult that can be. Take it from me, I don’t like to open up all that often, but it is necessary if you want to have a successful marriage. Communication is also key to avoiding problem number five, but that is for the end. If you rushed into marriage and are now having troubles, do not worry, keep the communication open and try have sex or make love, even if you aren’t quite feeling it.
Number three on our list is infidelity, and I don’t have much advice here. A couple of ways to keep your partner from straying is a healthy sex life at home and keeping the communication alive. When I say keep the communication alive, I am not referring bullshit talk at dinner. I am talking about real conversations about love, life and all things going on in the world. Listen, listen, and listen to what your partner is saying and respect their decision. You are with him or her for a reason and you may not share all views, but at least listen to theirs. Go ahead and not listen or hardly listen and you are going to have a hard time with your relationship. Listen in all relationships, whether your best friend or coworker. Always listen and you will be amazed at how well life can be for you, and how much you will learn in the process.
If your partner is still going to stray, leave that motherfucker immediately. You are a fucking fool to stay with your partner if they cheat on you, period. There is nothing they can do to make up for cheating on the person they claimed they would remain faithful to. If your friends let you go back to that person, or stand by you when you do go back to that person, they are not a friend. Do not tolerate cheating, have some class and dignity for yourself.
The fourth reason for failed marriages is sex. If you are reading this article then you will read all the ways that you can keep your relationship going. However, there are other ways to keep sex exciting and not have it be why your marriage or union collapsed. One way to keep sex exciting to keep the communication channels open, and be willing to discuss what it is that your partner wants. Does he or she want to butt play but you aren’t sure? Talk it over, do some research and clear the air. Perhaps you can find a middle ground that pleases you both. With the 50 Shades of Grey books out, perhaps your partner wants some light bondage, and why not? Again, do your research and see what it is all about. Most people shy away from trying new things out of ignorance, don’t be ignorant, read about it and then make a decision. Keeping your sex life alive and new can be very exciting. It can break up your dreaded work week and give extra excitement to the weekend. It first starts with listening to your partner and their needs and then stopping by thesafealternative.com to see what exciting items they have to spice up your sex life.
Last on our top five reasons why marriages fail is simply growing apart. Sometimes there just isn’t anything that can be done for this. People change, their views change and the closer you get to death the more you think about life and especially your own life. To say it again, a way to avoid this problem is communicate, stay open and change together. Listen to what your partner is saying, perhaps their new ideas would be interesting to you and would lead to some self-discoveries of your own. You won’t know until you listen and try. We live in a vast world with a lot to do and see, so keep those ever-growing ears open and don’t be an asshole and dismiss everything your partner says. You married him or her for a reason, so start showing it. “Til death do us part” is something you both said, you both signed that contract so start acting like it.
Now this isn’t the end all cure for keeping people together, however it is a good start. Relationships start and stop every day and that is just how life is. There are cures for most of the problems relationships face and most can be solved with open communication and a good healthy sex life. Open communication is most likely the best way to keep relationships going, by knowing what your partner wants or is thinking is like gold. Being able to talk for hours about everything is an amazing feeling and it builds trust and intimacy fast. Couple that with a healthy continuing sex life and your union should be solid. Once one of those two start to go, you can quickly let the list of five items above sweep in and do their damage.
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